that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a beard to bite.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
