I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
