Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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