I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
