Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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