Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
