What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
