Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
