giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
