In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
