Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
