"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
