If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
