No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
