11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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