Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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