one might say we're banned from that church
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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