i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
