So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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