Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
