is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
