If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
