A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
