Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
