Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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