I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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