You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am one with the molecules
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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