No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like eating out sand paper
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
