i already hear my dad disowning me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my poor anus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
