I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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