Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
