oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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