She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
