my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
