What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
