I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
