just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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