you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
