i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
