you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
