Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
