I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
