hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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