some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
