New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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