watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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