so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
