wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
