You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
