Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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