I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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