there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
