i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
