I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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